TEACH ME

Teach Me How to Learn

I have a dark mask I like to try on,

Oh, the blackness that hides deep inside of me

And the childhood innocence of putting a finger in the fire to become saint.

Detest, loath, trying to hide a hostile glare and a contorted face

Will I ever see my boy again, I doubt?

Every morning has broken with solemn tread, but still, I must keep the kind face.

Must we all suffer for the choices we make?

Or is it just my time to have a taste of my own medicine?

Must we always give to expect quittance?

If this be, then why not be still and eat each our share in it and live and die?

 

Teach me how to learn to live with a face I borrow whilst I bury which is mine underneath it.

Teach me how to not shudder at your sight but smile with benignity

Teach me how to laugh when you jest facetiously and when you act as though caring

Teach me how to learn to teach you to understand me

I want you to understand me without me telling you the pain of living amongst those you loathe

Teach me, oh dear, how to even learn.

Who knows that which I know when I have asked you questions and get no answers,

Am I the spieler or you?

Who has spoken the words from your mouth? Is it me?

I am spinning around circles; I have wanted embraces my heart faltered asking.

 

The earth has me underground, and wants me stuck there

Dark, marvelous, and inscrutable, yet still I do not wish to tell.

Is there anything after now? If there is, what is it?

I do not know how to learn to want to be around anyone

Am I wicked, or are you? I wish I knew.

I do not see what more is there, I want to turn around and walk away

Because I cannot take back things,

But I guess I have loved and lost.

For all that has surrounded me are secrets and lies

I know not what road to take, life is just a game of charades.

 

Teach me, teach me Oh dear how to learn

I cannot take it anymore, inner tears never seem to cease

I drive through night and day, just hoping to be away from everyone and everything

I want to rip all my skin off my flesh and feed it to the birds of the air

And then have a reason to cry and hate myself for

I want to go on an endless journey where I can make myself promises I will not break

I want to drown myself in endless music and air, because now I know; there is something we will always miss.

I want to scream, to let out my demons, and choke on spittle and cry a river

I want to go to a place where no one knows me

And then begin a new life as though I were not broken and in need of mending.

 

Teach me to learn how to love myself better

Teach me, and tell me what really inspires us

If it is the long unending fights or the funny noes and might’s or the glowing lights

Or is it just the desire to be seen and heard?

It just takes time to realize that even angels lie, and their glowing cloaks are dark.

But I want to learn, how to like the unlikeable and wrap them in my generous embrace

And smile at their face and wish they had never existed.

So, teach me how to learn to live against that time if that time ever comes

When everyone frowns and barely greets me with the same sun

Or just teach me how to learn to walk away while running.

 

 

Through thick and thin, I press, but going forth is nothing

My efforts are futile, I am fretful, forlorn, and sad

I do not know the taste of a smile from happiness, for I have mastered the art of duplicity

My opinions, my reason, my purpose, I am nothing in the face of humanity

I just want to learn, so teach me

Teach me how to tell myself I am a man, but it is okay to cry

 

Now I know why days break and nights fall

Now I know why the world is sad, and complicated

I want to pick up my luggage and leave, I want to seek my peace

But I want you to teach me how to learn to forgive myself for failing.

 

They said it gets easier by the time

But I think I will take with us the pain when I die

Teach me to lose myself in the least expected ways and be able to laugh to myself

Teach me how to want to be good when I do not know how to

And how to learn to accept the strength in vulnerability

Take me to the top of the world so I can feel what people feel when they are there

I want to learn the things that make me a lesser man, so that I do not have to feel this way again

But I want to be alone, away from all these deceptions and lies and motives

Teach me how to pick my heart from the ground without bending

Show me the road to peace of mind, body, and soul.

 

I look up in the sky always and it laments

And there I sit under it to catch its teardrops, lingering with an aching heart

I want to remember and go back to being a boy again, to whistle an unfamiliar tune unbothered and just happy.

I do not know how much I can go on,

I thought I could never have something to walk away from, yet here I stand, feeble and unable

I doubt we are all trapped in a single fate, for this pain wants to kill me.

My life has been spent in sorrow, and my years with sighing

My strength has failed because of my iniquity, and I can feel my bones waste away.

I just need someone to teach me,

To teach me how to learn what to do with these wounds in my heart,

Teach me, and teach me how to learn.